Drunk, Half Naked, and Yelling at the Mailbox

So I went to work today. First day of actual work. I got there early so that I could make sure I had everything in place... there was a note waiting for me. 'Please complete training module 4'. I sat down at the desk and typed in my password. it didn't work.....I saw my manager who told me to call the tech department in charge of passwords (there's an entire department devoted to this).
I dialed all ten digits to reach an office 2 floors away from where I was sitting.
-Press 1 for service in English,
-Press 1 for computer passwords (2 was for voicemail passwords)
-Enter your 9-digit employee number
-Press 04 to speak to a security supervisor directly
Then I spoke to someone directly, I verbally gave them my employee number, my last name, my voicemail number, and then told him what I wanted my new password to be. (There were only 4 other people in the room who could hear and write down this information.)

Then I was ready to:
-Log into the computer
-Log into the email system,
-and log into the training system.

and I started my final course in training for the new job. it's title?
"security and privacy in the workplace."

I'm not shitting you....